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insomnia
2001-08-05-3:23 a.m.
Yeah, if you'll notice the time, I'm posting this at 3:24 in the morning. If you know me, you know that I am NOT a night person. So why am I up you ask? I heard a saying once, I think it's biblical in nature, but I haven't been catholic in years, so I'm a bit rusty. Basically it boils down to this guy explaining to another guy what it means to live a good life. He says that if you are living your life well, and giving it enough effort, as soon as your head hits the pillow at night, you'll fall right asleep. I am usually that person. When I stop to rest, sleep finds me in no time. Hell most of the time sleep is right there, on my back, reaching cold fingers around the sides of my brain and trying to pull my eyes closed. And in the morning I have to fight to wake up. I know I should rest more, but there's no time. Especially not for sleep. Normally if I can't sleep I'll draw or paint or read, but I'm too tired to be creative. Yet not so tired I can rest comfortably. I did sleep for an hour, from 1 until 2 a.m., but I woke up because it wasn't what I need. I'd go smoke a cigarette but I quit. I'd drink but that's a weakness. I'd eat but that's a weakness too. I don't have many weaknesses. I'd go outside and run until I'm tired, but running isn't really a 3 a.m. sorta thing you know? Might freak people out or get me picked up by the cops. It's internal turmoil, no doubt about that. Everybody has internal turmoil. What it is isn't your concern. It's personal. I couldn't explain it even if I tried. But how I deal with it may help you. The thing is, I don't know how I'm gonna deal with it. That's why it's interesting to me. I don't think there are many answers around here. Whenever my situation stagnates or looks helpless I have to go. Your problems always look different from a few hundred miles away. Looks like a road trip is coming up soon. -- Ronnie
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