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my hometown
2001-04-27-9:33 a.m.
Let's see, a few days have passed, and with me, I'm just working, thinking of finding a new job, and I started lifting weights again after about a 6 month break. I'm on 4 hours sleep at work today, so here's another "something I typed a long time ago" post: The problem with the area I grew up in is this: No one expects you to do anything good or worthwhile. There is no altruism, no encouragement to do something for the greater good. You get a good job, maybe at one of the refineries, make some money, get a house, a wife, a truck and you bring the kids to tee ball games. Go to church maybe, give your percentage and sit smugly, secure in the knowledge that you aren�t part of the problem. You take care of yourself, why can�t the rest of the world take care of themselves? How wonderful it is that the good lord arranged it so that the perfect job is a few minutes drive away, and your wife was born and raised in the same town and even went to your high school? And if for some strange reason you aren�t happy with this, then you just get a bigger truck or a smaller wife, or yell at your kid when they make a mistake playing tee ball, so that they become the best darn tee ball player the town has ever seen. That way you have something to be proud of, since every other person in the town has the same truck, job, house, wife, and kid as you do. The only problem with my hometown is that it�s not as sheltered anymore. It�s incongruity is becoming obvious. The rest of the world is creeping in insidiously and the natural flow of progress is sweeping the town and it�s citizens right along with it. Of course the more traditional of folk will say that the outside world is �bad�. Full of fags and niggers and addicts and atheists. But the truth is the town�s had all of them the whole time, but they either hide or we pretend not to see them. Except for the blacks, they can�t hide or be ignored, which is why my town of 10 thousand people has no black citizens. You know I can not honestly ever remember ever seeing a black person in the grocery store in my town. If there was, everyone would stare and wonder why they were there, seriously. And as for the rest, it�s their kids that are gay, their kids that don�t like going to church, their kids that numb themselves with drugs and alcohol until they lose their hope and their burning need to do something more, and before long they follow in their parents foot steps. The more traditional folk will say, �Look at California, why, they have legal drugs and queers running around out in the open!� And I�ll say, I do look at California, it�s fine with me. Actually all you probably do is look at California, who gives you the t.v. you sit and watch during every moment of your free time, who gives you the computers you look at porn with and the technology that makes your life so easy. I�ll gladly put up with these supposed evils if it means that I can live in a society of tolerance and understanding, if it means that I can be a part of something greater than a 4 wheel drive pickup, an unhappy marriage, and a life where I failed to realize my dreams. You have to wonder what is the better course? I know I�m not the only one to feel this way, to grow up realizing that things here aren�t right. And I know that anyone who came before me did what I am tempted to do, which is just pick up and leave. It would be so easy just to leave this town and to go somewhere where the people are like minded, even educated, but would I be any better than they? It�s almost too easy to turn my back on these people. With most of them I have no problem. But there will be other kids who grow up this way, other kids who will be faced with the same problem as I am. It�s not easy to realize that your elders, the people who are supposed to teach you, are wrong in the worst sort of way, about the most important of things, about life itself and how to live it. So maybe I should stay here and become involved on a civic level. Start a business, run for mayor or school board, something like that. I know I should, but maybe I could leave for just a little while to get a breath of fresh air�. -- Ronnie
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