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crimson,.....and clover,...._____ _____
2002-08-12-7:06 a.m.
I sit here in the mornings, and I read everyone who has updated over the weekend. Some I like more than others, or for different reasons, but all of them give me something. The favorites list is this peek into the minds of people who you respect. It gives me insight into who they are, and perhaps more importantly, into how they feel, and how they live their life. I can learn from them. There is a lot on my mind right now, although I wouldn't say there are a lot of things on it. It's really quite occupied by just a few things. Paige leaves in 9 days. We spend so much time together, and we work together so well, we just fit. We're similar, sure. But where there are peaks and valleys in our personalities, and they seem to fit into each other so that when one of us is lacking in one area, the other is an expert, and so on. Her leaving is a good thing though, even if it will present some logistical difficulties in our relationship. That knowledge still doesn't make the inevitable any easier though. Another thing that's bothering me is that my finances are getting a little tight. Rent, utilities, car, insurance, and my cell phone bill basically set me back 1000 a month. It's a good thing it all comes and goes electronically and abstractly, because if I had to physically see a stack of 1000 dollar bills go away, I think I'd cry. Things like food, (and boy can I eat) gas, and Uncle Sam take care of the rest of the money I earn every month, so that I'm not able to put anything away at all. I'm not going in the hole, but I'm not getting out of it either. Things are going well enough now though that I can't really bitch. I'm certainly not going to do anything until our 9 days is up anyway. As fun as this summer has been, I can only imagine what it's been like for Paige, just graduating and getting ready to go off to college and all that. I'm also very worried that I may be acclimating myself to my situation. I may be getting too comfortable and I don't want to settle in too deep, because before long, you're not just sitting on soft ground, you're sitting in a rut. I constanly change a lot of things, but there are some aspects of my personality which are forming which I don't particularly care for. It's one thing to learn the rules of life, but it's another to become tired and jaded. I don't think I am by any means, but I just need to be on the lookout, because I can see that path, and it's a real easy, smooth, effortless, downward sloping path, but it ain't too rosy looking at the end. I'm either afraid, or hopeful, that I'll end up doing something drastic really soon. How I feel just depends on how it will turn out.
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