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2004-10-11-6:58 p.m.

So I'm leaving for New York in exactly one week. I'm mostly dreading it, but also looking forward to it.

34 days away from friends, family, and my loved ones (my truck and my tivo).

It will be cold, and that will be a bit of a bother, but other than not seeing my friends and family, the rest is inconsequential.

But I've thought about it, and I realize what really bothers me. I've never been one to follow anyone elses rules or schedule. I just do things my own way. And I'm no hard assed rebel, I know when it's better to go with the flow, but I never liked high school with it's enforced times to come and go, all the mandatory activities etc.

We are all individuals, but I think to me that individuality is more important. Being stuck with a group of guys who will likely be old enough to be my father and will just want to drink and talk about sports is likely to drive me crazy.

So taking stock of what I don't like has reminded me of what I do like. I like creativity, moving fast, and doing things my own way. Not because my own way is different, some times it may be right in line.

I know I can do alot with my life, but maybe I'm just afraid that what I want to do isn't so different or world changing anyway.

I do know that I don't want to change the world, I only want to be myself in it and let that create what change it may.

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