|
Drew, let me rub you down boo.
2001-12-18-1:11 p.m.
You may have already heard the news: "LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - After less than a year of marriage, actor Tom Green filed for divorce in Los Angeles on Monday from ''Charlie's Angels'' star Drew Barrymore, his publicist said." In light of these recent developments, I would like to take this opportunity to offer Ms. Barrymore, should she read my diary, the best and most satisfying lovin' she's ever had. I will invite you over to my house, where you will enjoy the finest 6-dollar-twist-off-cap wine, whatever you like, no Boones or low class stuff for such a fine lady as yourself. Then we will enjoy relaxing, sexual music, such as Debarge or perhaps that "Let's Get it On Song" from that blue jeans commercial. Once you are in the mood I will rub you down with some of that exotically sented fun flavor stuff they sell at the adult book store, should you feel freaky. Or if you are not feeling as freaky yet, some high-dollar lotion from Bath and Body Works in the mall. I will also light candles and burn some imported incense I picked up at the convenience store where that arabian dude works. After all that is done, I will pull back my zebra comforter to reveal the dark red silk sheets and we will slide in them, enjoying our reflection in the mirrors placed over my bed. There will be a "Firestarted" when this "Charlies Angel" slides in my bed. Just like in "ET" you will be wanting to phone home to tell your mama about how we are working it all out. And if you think these jokes are cool, you can only imagine the fly and smooth things I will whisper in your ear once I get behind that. Then we will have freaky sex involving those old school egg beaters with the hand crank and lots of baby oil. Perhaps we will even do it in the butt, I can not say right now. So should any of you know, or be the lovely Ms. Drew Barrymore, please contact me right away so that I can make sure that you recieve the prolonged, sensual lovin' that you most assuredly have been missing, as Tom Green is a skinny little punk who quite obviously couldn't have been hittin' that right. So come on by baby, and I will tear it up. In a lovin' sorta way. Thank you, that is all. -- Ronnie
Prev - Next
|