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pushing the rock
2001-09-16-6:14 p.m.
I'm about to get back to work, work is very cathartic, very good for me. If I can choose between hanging out with people or being by myself and working, I'll be by myself anyday. Fuck I'm turning into Henry Rollins and it's not intentional. My last entry generated no shortage of response, the friend I mentioned specifically took it in an unexpected way, hopefully we can talk about it and clear the confusion up. The whole entry was honest but sometimes failing to qualify or to clarify what you mean can have unintended results. I ain't feeling too bad, I had a good time last night when I went out with some friends. And I think I know what I need to do, and I really don't think I was scared to do it, but rather didn't realize I was making progress all along, just slowly. I think I'm doing the right things, my main problem is in keeping my path and remaining patient. I've realized something recently. The world just IS. Your opinion, your outlook, the rose or black colored glasses that you see it through are your problem. You see things not as they are, but as how you percieve them. So many things can color your perspective, but an unhindered view of the truth is so valuable, yet so many are fearful of it, go out of their way to avoid reality. I've been guilty of it for years, and I'm still guilty of it now, but less and less as time goes on. Realization is just that, finding the REAL thing. You come to it, it doesn't come to you, it's always been there, waiting for you to discover it. There's a man, laying on the ground, and he's covered by a huge rock. It looks too big for him to move, looks like it's weight should just crush him, but it doesn't. And he can't lift it off him, and he can't slide out from under it, but he's pushing anyway. But the struggle isn't weakening him, it's making him stronger.
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