|
this, that, and STILL, the other.
2003-04-20-8:19 p.m.
There are two entries for today, so you can read back. You know. If you are so inclined. I'm sitting outside chucks place, in the walkway, sitting on the bench. It's really nice outside. And I'm sitting on the bench, and I'm looking at the way the light above the entrance casts shadows on the red tile floor. And I'm thinking, I never notice that I never notice those sort of things when I'm sober. Because I've been drinking. And I've come outside for a smoke. I'm thinking this, because I've read something recently. Something that says, that people who drink and smoke and over eat are people who's brains have underdeveloped "reward centers". Meaning they're not as happy as they should be when all things are okay, so they eat and smoke and drink and fuck too many women to make themselves as happy as they should be. And I think, "Hey, I'm definetly that sort of person." So what do I do? Is drinking bad? Is smoking bad? Is fucking too-much bad? If it makes me feel more alive than I usually do, is it bad? Is there some other way I can feel like this? And is it my obligation to find another way? The rest of the world can feel how it wants. The rest of the world can think what they want. I think and feel just fine, and I think I can figure out my own way. I AM A SLAVE TO MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY. Ha. Ha. Fuck a cruel joke that fate plays. Fuck it. Ha.
Prev - Next
|