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two-spoons
2001-08-14-10:33 a.m.
I was just lamenting how my buddy Matt never updates his diary. So I was reading some of his older entries and I came across this. Check that out, it's short but funny. Speaking of funny, it's time to tell you a little story. My buddy Deck and I are both single guys. Sure we get some action or have some prospects sometimes, but we're basically just the kind of guys who can't keep a girlfriend. Probably has something to do with our brutal honesty. Honesty doesn't work in relationships too well. Anyone who tells you different is bullshit. Anyway, neither one of us like sitting around on our ass, and figure that being somewhere is better than being at home, so we usually go shoot pool, drive around town, or go get something to eat on weeknights. A while back, we got sick of the local diners and crack whore hangouts in our hometown, so we headed out of town as we typically do. We went to bennigans, because even if it is still a franchise, it's got decent food, a bar, and had about the only chance of getting a hot looking waitress short of going to hooters. But we didn't we got some goob named Chad or Thad or Brad or what the fuck ever, and they sat us at a table, not a booth, which sucks. So I get soup and a sandwich or something, and deck gets a montecristo and a baked potato. He decides to get a dessert, and he orders a one of their "Giant chocolate and carmel fried in icecream stuffed with cool whip covered in fudge diabetic coma in a bowl things." And I say I don't want anything. I'm on a diet, and even if I wasn't I'm not going to waste money on food, especially not food thats bad for me. But what does this guy do? He brings the one dessert out sure. But perhaps worse than bringing two plates, he brings two spoons. Like we're just going to share the dessert with two spoons. How gay is that? Not that I have a problem with gay people or being gay, and I'm not even going to bother trying to prove it, you either believe me or you don't. But jeez, two spoons? He might as well just have given us two straws for a choclate shake. Do I come off as gay? Do I? Is it the hair? Jerry Seinfeld said people think of him as gay because he's thin, clean, and neat. And that doesn't describe me, and it certainly doesn't describe Deckly. Fuck it, I'm off to lunch. By myself. -- Ronnie
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