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Just for the record, I'm *all about* the whiskey.
2002-06-07-7:55 p.m.
Well well well. It looks like the whiskey has found it's way into my bloodstream quicker than even *I* thought it would. Guess when you make yourself a drink as soon as you get home, you can't expect it to take much time before you're lit. Fuck me, I LOVE being self-destructive! You know, I wish I could hang out with all the diaryland peoples in person. I wish I was rich, because then I could fly everyone here and have a party. I know you'd all get along. You people are the only people in my life who've given me any intellectual stimulation over the last few weeks. Oh yeah, I just put up an entry like 3 hours ago. You should go back and read it. I'm lack the patience to link back to it at this point. Even with all the cool new shit at work, I still have to quit soon. I'm going to feel really bad for leaving those people in the dark. Well, just Mike and Big John. But I can't stifle myself. Hell I got 3 minutes closer to dead just typing this. I don't know how long I have left, but whatever it is, there goes fucking 3 minutes. It's cool, you people are all worth it. Does anyone see how I am right now? Do you know that if you were here I would show you how happy you should be? Does anyone else ever sit and laugh at their tiny presence in the grand scheme of things and laugh, and smile and laugh at death and love what you've had and think you can't wait to see what is going to happen next? Does anyone else want to kiss Robin on the subway and Kat on the hand so there is no trouble with Trouble? Crack jokes about everything with Jonny and Bill?, Go back to the ren-fair with Tea and to "Parrot-Eyes" with Jerry?
The only thing truly sad about my life is that it won't go on forever, and I won't have enough time to spend with my family and friends. When I'm stuck in traffic or I'm sick in bed, I remember the sincere smile in bed of a girl who now hates me or the excitement of the subway approaching in Manhattan. I look for Whitman in the dirt on my shoe, see the cups on the ground on Bourbon street, and Abagail kissing me on the cheek and stealing a drink of my Corona. And my intellect grabs back hold, but really it's my ego. Saying, "No one can see your eyes tearing up in front of the computer, even if it's because you're happy."Sometimes, I know that I'm only saying what I feel, and that it may not seem really cool. And when I do that, I know it's the best things I can say. People never hate you for that, so you shouldn't think they will. You just can't pick and choose when you want to say the truth, you have to let it drop out of your mouth even when you don't want it to. And if you think I'm just saying this because I've been drinking, you can suck my big fucking cock, because you're an idiot, because I mean all of this. I don't know where I want to be, but it's not in front of this computer right now. Bye. So NOW, it's time to go raise some hell. Get it little boy! Get it! :-)
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